


i'll thank my lucky stars to have crossed with yours

by livelyvague



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: First Dates, Gay Panic, Introspection, M/M, Stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 18:03:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19796158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livelyvague/pseuds/livelyvague
Summary: “Would you go to Mars?” he asked.“What?”“Y’know, like Earth gets obliterated by global warming and bad politicians and shit, you get an opportunity to live on Mars with the red dirt, little green dudes and blue sunsets, would you move there?”Or, Patrick feels a little lost in this universe.





	i'll thank my lucky stars to have crossed with yours

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this when I was thinking a little too much about the universe and projecting onto Patrick. 
> 
> title from "cosmic lottery" - evergreen

“Patrick, come on. Rachel, right, man. She’s fuckin’ hot. You hit that yet?”

Patrick’s throat could have closed right there, but he just nodded his head at the rest of the boys in the circle. It was a night after a baseball game that they had just lost and they were in Jake Atkin’s basement smoking weed and passing around a vodka bottle they’d stolen from the extensive liquor cabinet upstairs.

Patrick had declared himself the designated driver; weed and alcohol always made him too anxious. He liked being in control and didn’t want to throw up word vomit all over someone who shouldn’t be hearing it.

“Um, yeah,” Patrick finally replied. He felt bad. Rachel and his experiences were just that–theirs. But the boys always wanted to hear about, wanted to hear about _her_. It made him sick, the whole thing. Talking about sex, sex itself. It was everywhere all of the time, it was always on everyone's minds. Patrick didn’t think about it the way his friends thought about it. Patrick wished he could drink the vodka tonight, too.

“Hell fuckin’ yeah, god she’s so hot. How the hell did Patrick get one like that?” Another boy said after chugging some vodka. Jake was beside Patrick and he didn’t laugh when the other boys did, just gave him a reassuring smile, then took a long drag of the joint.

“I didn’t get her, Luke. We love each other,” he said. Patrick knew he’d get shit, he knew he’d get called a pussy or whatever else, but defending Rachel was worth it.

“Aww!” a few boys called out at the same time.

“We love each other,” Luke repeated dreamily and animated, making fun of Patrick and making him wish even more he could be drunk like them too. “Gay as shit, bro.”

Patrick’s stomach lurched and his heart rate increased. He knew his face had gotten red and then even redder when he _realized_ it was getting red. _Gay_. He hated the word, Luke was always saying it. The boys on his baseball team were always saying it and it infuriated Patrick when they called him it. They were always just joking, he knew that, it meant nothing. He wasn’t gay. Still, he _hated_ it.

He quietly got up, slipped out of the room and up the steps, finally reaching the small deck Jake’s house had. He breathed in the warm summer air and looked up at the stars; the sky was clear and the house was far out enough in the country that any light pollution didn’t affect the scenery above him. Patrick could see the faint outline of the milky way, he found the Big Dipper, the Little Dipper and then Mars. When he got anxious, he liked to look at the stars. Seeing something way bigger than himself, out of his reach and doing exactly what they needed to do.

Patrick wished he could be like that. Far away from everything on this planet, to have a distinct purpose. He couldn’t be as bright as the sun as much as he tried. He couldn’t be as useful as the moon.

“Are you okay?” The voice behind him said. 

Patrick hadn’t realized his breathing had picked up, his mind was too busy spiralling. Why was he spiralling? Why did he feel like this? He was simply hanging out with his friends, there was no reason for this. God, he wished to be the moon, a star, anything but in his own body right now standing in front of Jake Atkins.

“Yeah,” Patrick laughed shakily. He dug his fingernails into his palms and reigned in his breathing again.

“Existential crisis?” Jake asked. When Patrick looked at him confused, he just pointed his finger up into the sky and followed it with his gaze. “The stars? The big, big gigantic universe. The idea that nothing or any of this fucking matters at all?” Patrick just looked at him. “That wasn’t what you were thinking about?”

“Well, now I am.”

Jake laughed. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“You good though, bro?”

“Yeah, just smokey in there. Being the designated driver and all, didn’t wanna get contact high.”

Patrick braced his hands on the fence of the deck, looking up at the sky again. He thought Jake would leave once he said he was good, but Jake only came up to the fence and placed his hands next to Patrick’s.

“Would you go to Mars?” he asked.

“What?”

“Y’know, like Earth gets obliterated by global warming and bad politicians and shit, you get an opportunity to live on Mars with the red dirt, little green dudes and blue sunsets, would you move there?”

Patrick hesitated, thinking about Jake’s question. “Would I be going alone?”

“Yeah,” he said immediately, looking over into Patrick’s eyes. Patrick’s heart started racing again, he thought because of the possibility of being alone.

“I don’t think so,” Patrick finally decided. “No, I wouldn’t.”

“Hm.” Jake nodded, turning away from Patrick and looked up at the stars again. They stood in silence for a few moments before Patrick cleared his throat.

“Would you? Move to Mars alone?”

“In a heartbeat. There’s not much for me here.” Jake looked into his eyes and then back up.

Patrick looked at Jake’s profile that was still looking up at the stars. He thought there was a sadness to it, a longing he could see in his eyes. Patrick shook his head and pulled back from the deck.

“I’m gonna go back downstairs,” Patrick announced as he walked through the sliding door.

*

Patrick thought about Mars a lot. What Jake said. _There’s not much for me here._ Patrick shivered.

“You cold?” Rachel spoke from beneath him, she was laying on his chest and Patrick was situated sitting up in his bed. They had been watching TV, Patrick hadn’t sure been exactly what.

“No. Just thinking.” 

Rachel twisted her body so she was sitting up beside him and staring at him in his eyes. He felt too exposed, too _seen,_ as if she could hear his thoughts.

“Would you go to Mars? If you had the chance? No family, no friends,” he spit out quickly before he knew what he was saying.

“Mars?” Then she laughed.

“Yeah,” Patrick said. “Mars. Earth destroyed, Mars as the last option.”

“Well, then why wouldn’t my family be coming with me? Or...you.” He shook his head and away from her stare.

“I don’t know, Rachel. It’s just part of the question. Forget it.”

She touched his face, feeling the light stubble and pressed a finger softly to his lips. Patrick wished that he wouldn’t have said anything. Wished he had kept it to himself, and to Jake.

“I wouldn’t go.”

“Okay,” he said after a bit. That’s what he said to Jake, too.

“Don’t like my answer?” She said, confusion and a little bit of hurt showing itself in her voice.

“No, it’s your answer to have. No one else's.”

“I couldn’t leave my family. I couldn’t leave you, Patrick.”

The sincerity was too heavy and Patrick didn’t want to be there anymore. Maybe Mars would be better than his own bedroom.

“You’d rather rot here on Earth than have a new chance at life? Something great could be waiting for you. Maybe _here_ isn’t everything. It’s just like, a prerequisite...a prologue for what you were _supposed_ to do!” His voice was raising more than he liked and he felt the patches of heat flare up on his skin. Rachel was pulled all the way back now from Patrick’s embrace, sitting beside him and listening patiently.

“What, so you’d go? You think your destined fate in life is to go to Mars?” She laughed again and it stung Patrick. “Everything I have is right here, it is for you too,” Rachel said softly. She grabbed his hand and laid back down on his chest, putting his hand over her heart.

“I wouldn’t go,” he whispered against her hair. “I wouldn’t go,” Patrick said again, as if to remind himself.

*

After they finished off the questionable mozzarella sticks and a dessert was on the way, the question popped up into his head again. It is something he thought about when he drove his car past the ridiculous Schitt’s Creek town sign and when David slid right perfectly into his life.

“I have a question,” Patrick said lightly.

“Hm, yes, I _am_ going to regret eating most of those mozzarella sticks.” David’s mouth was upturned in a soft smirk and Patrick joined him with a laugh. Twyla came up to them then, placing down a brownie and ice cream dish.

“Here’s your dessert, boys,” Twyla said with a smile.

“Thank you,” Patrick said, then turned back to David.

“So. Question?”

“Uh, yeah,” he hesitated. Spit it out, Brewer. “Would you move to Mars if you had the chance? But it would be just you. No one else.”

Patrick searched David’s face for an immediate answer. David looked a little confused at the randomness of the question, but delighted in thinking about what his answer would be. Patrick liked that, that David was really thinking about it.

“...No,” he finally decided. Patrick’s mouth twitched and looked down at David’s lips. “I would have. Um, before I moved here, I think. Not anymore, so.”

“Me too,” Patrick agreed.

That night, after Patrick dropped off David and _kissed_ him, he knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to Ray’s yet. His head was too busy spinning and heart beating like crazy.

He rolled down the windows in his car, with music playing and drove out to one of his favorite spots. It was a little field off of a gravel road, there were no lights around and cars never drove by.

It was the perfect spot to lay his back on the windshield of his car and look up at the undisturbed stars.

He found the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper–just like he always used to–then his favorite little red dot in the sky. Mars. Patrick’s heart warmed when he thought about the entire night. His first date with a man, his first _kiss._ It was indescribable, unbelievable, out of this world.

Patrick lied to David. He would leave Earth. He _did_ leave. He thinks that maybe the brand new life on Mars he had been imagining since that night on the deck with Jake, was actually just this. Patrick’s very own Mars was located in Schitt’s Creek.

He smiled even wider as he looked up at the stars and remembered the way David’s lips felt on his.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! you can find me on tumblr @[patrickanddavid](https://patrickanddavid.tumblr.com/)


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